{a word to my dear friends...}

This past year, it will have been 8 years since I started this blog. What an amazing journey it has been. :-) My original purpose for starting a blog, was (first and foremost) to keep a personal record, an online journal. Second, I would often use my blog in my work as a professional designer. As I pulled away from the designing profession about 4 years ago, my original purpose for keeping a blog, became the sole purpose. Through challenging years in my life, this blog became not only a place for me to record events and precious moments, but a place of healing. Writing was therapeutic for me and focusing on the countless blessings in my life (and sharing those blessings openly with others) helped me stay strong and positive. After my divorce, this blog continued being a place of healing and a place to record the story of a new beginning....and the continuation of the beautiful story of me and my angel babies.

Throughout the past 8 years, I have actually considered making this blog private a number of times....due to negative feedback I would receive here and there. When I was a designer, I had a lot of eyes on my blog.....and a few readers who, for whatever reason, felt that their happiness would be increased if they could somehow decrease mine bysending horribly viscious e-mails about my design work and even, occasionally, my personal life. Those e-mails hurt at first. A lot. I would cry and wonder what I possibly could have done to offend someone that I didn't even know (or someone I did know, and had posted anonymously to protect their identity). Interestingly enough, I would receive the most negative e-mails when I would share my personal thoughts about and testimony of the Gospel. It wasn't until a few years into my blogging, that I learned to disregard these negative e-mails. I ached for these people and wished them true happiness and would pray that God would help fill the void in their hearts, for I knew that I had honestly done nothing to intentionally hurt anyone. HAD I intentionally written anything to hurt feelings, I would have been the FIRST to come forward and apologize.Throughout my divorce and even afterwards, those cruel, albeit rare e-mails continued, but became extremely personal. By that time, I had been through many wonderful hours of counseling with an angel therapist (and now, dear friend) and realized that those e-mails were simply sent either out of lack of understanding or out of pain. In either case, I felt no ill will towards any of the people who sent the comments and e-mails, even if they WERE sent with the intent to cause hurt.

So why, you may ask, have I continued to keep this journal public? If the sole purpose of my blog truly is to keep a record of my family, then there is no need FOR it to be public..right? The truth is.....for every negative e-mail and/or comment, I have received very literally hundreds of positive ones over the past 8 years. Women (and even a few men), whose hearts and souls have been somehow lifted by small things I have written. Reading those heartfelt e-mails and comments, has been a little added blessing to maintaining a blog. And so, every time I was about to change the settings, I would receive another kind e-mail - an e-mail from a woman whose prayer was answered, whose faith was strengthened, whose heart decided to forgive one more time, or who decide for HOPE instead of hopelessness for one more day....after reading some random exerpt from my blog. And then, I would change my mind again.

However, after 8 years, those negative e-mails keep coming (as rare as they may be). And although they are still so far outweighed by the positive feedback, they are still such a serious source of negative energy. Many of them seem to be people who feel that since they read my blog, that they must know the whole story of my life....and therefore, feel comfortable and entitled to judge me and even my little family. The harshest ones, however, seem to come from those who should know better. People who I love, respect and admire...and should know me and my heart. Although I know that I owe no explanation, especially when I have done nothing to intentionally hurt or offend, it is BECAUSE of my love for these dear people, that I seem to find myself wanting to explain and/or defend myself. However, even that seems to be for nought, since those who jump to conclusions are usually not open to hearing the truthof things anyway.....which leaves my heart aching.

And so, it is with a slightly heavy heart, that I have decided to do what I probably should have done a long time ago. It is time to make my blog, my online journal, private, protected and sacred. My little family is sacred. It is the most beautiful and sacred thing I have. My sweetheart and my little ones are my heart..they are my life. I cannot and will not stand another moment (even as rare as those moments are), having the integrity and intentions of myself and of this dear and righteous family under question...no matter WHO those accusations come from or what their intentions may be. I know and understand that much of these e-mails and comments simply come as a result of lack of understanding, knee-jerk reaction and possibly still, heartache. Their judgments are generally based only on the information they have been given and the rest, from mere assumptions based on that information. How I wish that ALL would "seek first to understand...." before making quick judgments. But that just doesn't happen. And truthfully, I am just tired. I am absolutely weary of false accusations from those who don't seem to even bother to first seek out the truth. This negative spirit should have NO part in this amazingly beautiful story we are writing. It is not surprising to me that the Adversary would want to somehow blacken or twist this miracle. I..will..not...allow..him....room. He is not welcome here. And if making our family story private is a small way of preventing his influence from attempting to tarnish what God has brought together, then making this blog private has now become an EASY decision for me.

Our story is a beautiful one....even the "stormy" times that brought us to where we are today. It has always brought me so much joy to share it...with our posterity...and with you. However, as I mentioned above, that was not my original intent, my original purpose for beginning an online journal. And since this beautiful story and this incredibly Divine little family IS so sacred to me, I want to protect it as much as I can. On another point, I also want to protect those who are tempted to make false judgments, from doing so. It is so tempting for some, to assume they know the whole story. What a tragedy. Even as much as I HAVE written....there is so very much that has NOT been written.

I want to thank all of my blog readers that have been an absolute LIGHT to me. I know there have been thousands of you throughout the last 8 years...and each of you is a blessing in my life. A handful of you, I have even met personally, and have become dear friends with. Thank you for your countless e-mails, stories and kind words that you have shared with ME in response to my blog entries. I admire you so much for your love, your strength, your faith and your beautiful attitudes about life. My "door" is always open to you ([email protected])...and I would love to keep in touch. Although my original intent was simply to keep a journal, having a world of friends "listening" has made journaling particularly wonderful, and has encouraged me to write on a more regular basis. My sweet internet friends......I sure love you. Don't ever forget that...and even if you do, please don't ever forget how much GOD loves you. NO matter where you are or what storm you find yourself in, He is ALWAYS there....ALWAYS. You are never alone.

Although my blog will now be personal, I will make sure that our dear friends and family are still allowed access....should you desire. :-) Blogs are a wonderful way for family to keep in touch....and our family and friends are so very dear to us. Since I have never had a private blog, I am not quite certain how that works. If you are interested in continuing to read my blog, you may have to send a request, or even just send me an e-mail. Because I don't know exactly how it will work, make sure to let me know who you are when you request to be a viewer...and not just your e-mail. I wish I knew all of your e-mail addresses...LOL...but I don't! :-) I will wait out the course of this week (to give adequate notice of the change) and then change the status of this blog. At that point, I am certain it will prompt you with what to do in order to be accepted to view our blog. Please do keep in mind, that considering the circumstances, I will be adding viewers with discretion....but am so happy to have sweet and trusted friends and family continue reading. :-)


All the best to you, my dear friends. A holiday (and EVERY DAY) greeting from our happy family, to yours (as expressed in this 5x5 trifold Christmas card from our family this year).....

"May you always be surrounded by angels, may you live your life with passion and may your heart and home be filled with love."

And my "last lecture" to you....in short, "Choose HAPPINESS...always!" You are loved!

Comments

[Angie Wager]

Good for you Heather! My blog is private. It's a hard decision to make, but your family is the most important thing. ICH HABE DICH LIEB!!!!

[Andrea Ingleby]

This makes me so sad. :( I do totally understand where you are coming from as my blog is also private. I would love to still keep up with you, if you are willing. scrappyhappygal at gmail dot com.

[Julianne McDonald]

I completely understand your view on this and totally respect you for it. That being said... You will be missed. Hopefully you wool still post pictures and things on Facebook so that we less dear friends may still get a peek into your amazing and inspiring journey. Well wishes to you and your family.
Julianne

[karren hubrich]

I am so happy for you, and for the love you have found. I wish you a fabulous year ahead, and understand the privacy that you need. I have so much, enjoyed looking in on your family and being lifted by your posts. All the BEST to you and yours.

[Nicole]

We were only shortly acquainted, but I've kept track of you through your blog. It's nice to see you so happy and I wish you well. :)

[Larry and Mindy Fox]

Always love reading your posts!!! You inspire us! Stay strong and always remember how much you are loved!!! -The Foxes

[monica (in Logan ❤️)]

I admire your strength and protection, beautiful Heather. I love how you cherish those around you and I have watched as you have experienced pain but only draw and highlight the positive and blessing in the silver linings and 11:11am or 11:11pm moments. I will always support you and your blog is one of the few I still read and look forward to updates because I know I will always find positive feelings even amidst the challenges of life. Please include me if you feel prompted or led to continue supporting your life and journey in this new way. ([email protected]). Love you strong girl... keep on as you have been. You're amazing.

[Kristan]

Love you dear friend ❤️

[Dawn Ropelato]

I hope you will add me to your list. This is where I found you & fell in love with you & your family! You are real and through hard times (which we all have) have chose to look towards the light! You are truly a blessing to me!

I can't believe how people can be cruel. Even when my son got lost & did what he needed to survive so many people where rude & negative...I feel sorry for them. Like you I choose to be happy & look for the positive & life is good because of that choice!

[Mere]

Good for you!! I'm glad you will make it private....your family deserves it and so do you! No one should have to deal with negativity and rude comments....I'm so glad you've found happiness and I've loved reading your journey! Best of luck to ya and i would love to be part of your blog.... [email protected]

Love ya
Meredith

[Katika]

I have always loved your blog and writing style! I am so happy to hear your little family will be protected and shielded from unhappy people...life is much much too short. Love wins! <3 Y'all!

[Myrna]

Good for you Heather! I love seeing and reading about your family and it makes my heart happy to SEE how happy you are.

[Diana]

Thank you for your words of inspiration and you're positive attitude through the hardest of trials. I feel blessed to know you and would love to be apart of your blog! You deserve all the happiness in the world! By the way, I loved hearing you say "Happy Day" at the festival. It's one thing read your words, but to hear it in person is pretty cool!

[Bruno Castagno]

I read a few ones here and there, and I was inspired in all things, you wrote ...you are a great young woman...but some things so dearly to us is better to be kept to ones who real matter....people are people and they are Impredictable ...I'm meet so much good and also wired ones in ever single day at my work and even I work with some of them, with all kinds of personalities , cultural background and personal Belives.
The beutiful of all this is the possibility to make choices in a free society as this country have their fundation.
So do what it's better for you and your family, and some times cheer your inspirations, because they can change others for better, I will never belive for the worse, because you are a source for constant good.
May God always watch and protect all of you my dear friends.

[Tracey F]

First and foremost..... I have enjoyed reading your blog throughout the years. I don't personally know you but "got to know you" through your blog. I think I found you through scrapbooking somehow. Anyways, this world is just full of hateful, mean spirited jealous people who try to bring you down. You do what you need to, to keep your special family private and keep the hate away. I'll miss checking on your blog for upbeat heartwarming stories. You are one tough cookie and I'm confident you will continue to be happy and loved In this crazy world.

Tracey :)

[Sandee Spackman]

Heather,
I met you once, a few yoy a few years ago, and found you to be delightful. We became friends on facebook, and have not made contact with each other since then. I don't read the blog, but do see your FB posts. I feel like I know you, and am pleased that you and your kids have found such a great addition to your family. Your husband seems like an awesome man, and I love that he and the kids are so close. I am not LDS, but have lived in SL county my whole life. Many of my dear friends are LDS, and don't judge me for not being a part of the church. I do not have anything against the church - it's just not for me. I know from your posts that you truly believe, and what immense happiness the Church has brought to your life and family. It doesn't matter what anyone believes or thinks - your relationship with God is just that. Your relationship with God. No one elses. It hurts me to think that people would send you hurtful, hateful comments about something that brings you joy. How is that productive? No more so than if you judged me for choosing my path. We all have our paths, and no one should be hurt for doing what is best for them. I hope 2014 brings you peace, and the happiness you so rightly deserve. You seem like a tremendously sincere, loving person. Thank you for sharing a piece of your heart - if more people were able to do so, I think the world would be a better place. <3 Sandee Spackman

[Jen Smith]

If I have ever said anything mean to you (as far as my recollection is concerned, I don't think I have) I want to apologize. I must have been a reader from the beginning or pretty close to the beginning and you have brought SUCH wonderful LIGHT in some dark days of my life.. I would love to still keep reading your blog but if it is your choice not to include me I completely understand. I am so happy that you have been able to get through the trials and see the joy and love and support of those who do deeply support and love you. May you have the best life. You are a remarkable amazing example I'm so grateful for that. Thank you. Thank you for writing your wonderful words and your wonderful stories. I have loved every moment of it. Thank you again.

[Becky]

Heather, I am so happy for you and your sweet family! But am very sad about hearing about all the mean people. Goodness, you are the most kindest, and thoughtful gal I know! I have learned so much from reading your entries, you have "so much light" in you.
I just don't understand why people need to be this way..
I will defiantly miss reading about your family and their sweet updates, and mostly your happiness!!!

Heather I will miss you so much!! I will leave my email in case I get picked for some awesome reason... Haha [email protected]
Take care!
Love you,
Becky

[Lilian]

If I'm allowed, I would love to still have access to your blog. [email protected]

[Darcie]

Ill miss your posts you sweet, awesome lady! It always inspires me and cheers me up! I love your "happy spirit" and have so enjoyed following. You know, I'm not outwardly active in my faith right now, although my heart explodes with the love and faith I have in The Lord...you blog truly gave me a little dose of happy with a dash of "The Lord loves you" and a pinch of "try harder to show people the real you". Inspire isn't even the word...there isn't a word, really...well, maybe just one...Thanks.

Xo,

A reader-Darcie L.

[Erika]

It's been fun following you. I love seeing your cute little family. Thanks for sharing all that you have shared on your blog. We wish you the very best.

[Nancy]

Wow, I have been reading your blog for so long I feel as if I know you (and your whole family) but of course I don't. We've never met but I have enjoyed your blog, your story, your talents (I think I found you through scrap-booking), your kindness and candor throughout the years. Your outlook on life has helped me through some rough times of my own and for that I thank-you.
I would love to keep being a reader of your blog and continue to watch your family grow but I will so understand if you choose not to include me. Thanks

Nancy

[Brittany von Arx]

I'm shocked that anyone would ever say anything negative about your upbeat, positive blog! Jealousy? Well, I'd like to be included as one of your privileged invited readers, if I may. Your Facebook and blog posts are very good at reminding me to appreciate and count my many blessings, and I'm grateful to you for that.

[Mandi]

I will miss your posts. Your amazing and so right. Your family comes first. I have loved reading your blog and still think about the day we met. I know we haven't talked much since then, but still remember it. I appreciate your strength and all you've gone through. You are a strong woman. I would love to continue to read about your family and to be uplifted by you if you feel so inclined. :) if not I wish you well and so happy for you and your cute little family! :) Your awesome!
Mandi Roth.
[email protected]

[Elise DeMille]

Heather,
I don't know you personally but have enjoyed reading your blog for the last several years. We have a friend in common (Richelle) who always spoke highly of you. I love your positivity and how you always find the good in everything and every experience you have. It's sad to hear that you have had such negative feedback. I love your posts and they always build me up and make me feel like I can continue on. We have had a few similar experiences. Good luck to you and please know that I am so incredibly happy for you! If you are willing to send me an invite to continue reading your blog, I would so appreicate it. My email is [email protected]
-Elise DeMille