{strong enough}

Oh my heart. What a week. What a ridiculously challenging week. I am so grateful for every challenge in my life, for it is through each one that I become stronger and closer to my Savior. However, this week was particularly heavy. And just when I thought that I had made it through and could start the weekend with a deep breath and new fresh energy, I received my first speeding ticket EVER (I've never even been pulled over and given a warning) today. It was the final thing that tipped the scale. I've always thought it was lame to cry when you get a ticket. If you are speeding and you get pulled over, you suck it up, take your ticket and move on. It took every ounce of strength I had left (which wasn't much) to keep the tears in while the officer wrote my ticket. And btw...those of you who know me well, know that if I do something at all, I do it 300%. This was no exception. If this is going to be my first ticket EVER, why not go all the way right? Yeah...my first ticket ever was in a major construction zone. Hit it. Anyway. I managed to keep composure until the moment the officer starting walking back to his motorcycle and my window was almost rolled up. And then, I laid my head on the stearing wheel (two days in a row) and sobbed so helplessly. Then, I wiped away the tears, pulled onto the road, turned KLOVE back on the radio, took a deep breathe and ran home to change into a dress to head into work. It never seems to amaze me anymore just how aware God is of me. As I got back into the car in my dress and headed to work, tears still slowly streaming down my cheeks, one of my current favorite songs came on the radio (it never surprises me anymore that God speaks to me so OFTEN through KLOVE), which I know, without question, was not a coincidence.......

STRONG ENOUGH
by Matthew West

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

Generally, I feel so completely fortified and strong. This week, I will admit, I did NOT feel "strong enough" at all. I am so eternally grateful for tender mercies (through music, dear friends that I will be blogging about soon, etc.) throughout this very heavy week. But I am also so grateful for something else. I took this picture of me earlier tonight....at the end of one of the longest weeks I've had in a very long time. However, despite that, I was so thrilled to see that there is still LIGHT and unfailing JOY and PEACE in my eyes. I love that. What a blessing to have PURE JOY that is uncircumstantial. For the first time in my life, I am not just putting on a smile as a MASK to COVER what I am going through. I am very literally GENUINELY at peace and experiencing PURE JOY IN THE MIDST of what I am going through. That happiness, that joy, never leaves just because difficult challenges come my way. And the light in my eyes that used to disappear during trials....it's there to stay. I may not always be "strong enough" ON MY OWN to handle all that God has trusted me with. But WITH HIM, I AM strong enough to carry it all. And throughout it all, I love that the peace and happiness that I have in my heart and soul through HIM NEVER falters and literally shows on my face and SHINES in my eyes. With God at the very center of my being....I AM ALWAYS strong enough.

(Artwork by DAVID BOWMAN, "My Child.")

Comments

[Betsy]

Bless your heart, Heather. I know trying to juggle everything by yourself must be overwhelming at times. I think all women feel that way at some point. I love that song! Wow...it couldn't have been more perfect! God is so good to send you the words you need to hear just at the right moment. I often think about what a blessing it is to have a heavenly father who loves us so much that He takes time to meet our every need. Love and hugs to you. You are doing an awesome job!