Oh my heart. What a week. What a ridiculously challenging week. I am so grateful for every challenge in my life, for it is through each one that I become stronger and closer to my Savior. However, this week was particularly heavy. And just when I thought that I had made it through and could start the weekend with a deep breath and new fresh energy, I received my first speeding ticket EVER (I've never even been pulled over and given a warning) today. It was the final thing that tipped the scale. I've always thought it was lame to cry when you get a ticket. If you are speeding and you get pulled over, you suck it up, take your ticket and move on. It took every ounce of strength I had left (which wasn't much) to keep the tears in while the officer wrote my ticket. And btw...those of you who know me well, know that if I do something at all, I do it 300%. This was no exception. If this is going to be my first ticket EVER, why not go all the way right? Yeah...my first ticket ever was in a major construction zone. Hit it. Anyway. I managed to keep composure until the moment the officer starting walking back to his motorcycle and my window was almost rolled up. And then, I laid my head on the stearing wheel (two days in a row) and sobbed so helplessly. Then, I wiped away the tears, pulled onto the road, turned KLOVE back on the radio, took a deep breathe and ran home to change into a dress to head into work. It never seems to amaze me anymore just how aware God is of me. As I got back into the car in my dress and headed to work, tears still slowly streaming down my cheeks, one of my current favorite songs came on the radio (it never surprises me anymore that God speaks to me so OFTEN through KLOVE), which I know, without question, was not a coincidence.......
STRONG ENOUGH by Matthew West
You must You must think I'm strong To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me Forgive me if I'm wrong But this looks like more than I can do On my own
I know I'm not strong enough to be everything that I'm supposed to be I give up I'm not stong enough Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord right now I'm asking you to be Strong enough Strong enough For the both of us
Well, maybe Maybe that's the point To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally Finally at rock bottom Well, that's when I start looking up And reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to be Everything that I'm supposed to be I give up I'm not stong enough Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord right now I'm asking you to be Strong enough
Strong enough
Cause I'm broken Down to nothing But I'm still holding on to the one thing You are God and you are strong When I am weak
I can do all things Through Christ who gives me strength And I don't have to be Strong enough Strong enough
I can do all things Through Christ who gives me strength And I don't have to be Strong enough Strong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to be Everything that I'm supposed to be I give up I'm not stong enough Hands of mercy won't you cover me Lord right now I'm asking you to be Strong enough Strong enough Strong enough
Generally, I feel so completely fortified and strong. This week, I will admit, I did NOT feel "strong enough" at all. I am so eternally grateful for tender mercies (through music, dear friends that I will be blogging about soon, etc.) throughout this very heavy week. But I am also so grateful for something else. I took this picture of me earlier tonight....at the end of one of the longest weeks I've had in a very long time. However, despite that, I was so thrilled to see that there is still LIGHT and unfailing JOY and PEACE in my eyes. I love that. What a blessing to have PURE JOY that is uncircumstantial. For the first time in my life, I am not just putting on a smile as a MASK to COVER what I am going through. I am very literally GENUINELY at peace and experiencing PURE JOY IN THE MIDST of what I am going through. That happiness, that joy, never leaves just because difficult challenges come my way. And the light in my eyes that used to disappear during trials....it's there to stay. I may not always be "strong enough" ON MY OWN to handle all that God has trusted me with. But WITH HIM, I AM strong enough to carry it all. And throughout it all, I love that the peace and happiness that I have in my heart and soul through HIM NEVER falters and literally shows on my face and SHINES in my eyes. With God at the very center of my being....I AM ALWAYS strong enough.
As strong as I feel I am and as much as I treasure being a Mama above everything in the world, between school, karate, baseball, dance, piano, soccer, scouts, church callings, family time, housekeeping, my job, my other job, charity projects and somehow trying to fit in time to nourish my spirit & soul, maintain friendships and have a social life, I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed this week...and very under validated. Today was one of the most difficult days as far as that is concerned. I felt more under validated at work today that I ever have. It is a heavenly job..nothing short of it. Still, today was particularly challenging (and on top of everything else going on). And yet, as always, God is so very good. He is so aware of me and the aches and desires of my heart. I got into my car today after work, thoroughly exhausted, at 5:02 PM. When I got to the end of the lane, I stopped, put my head on the stearing wheel and sobbed. After about a minute, I realized my radio wasn't on and turned it on as I started driving again. The DJ on KLOVE (the only station I listen to), Scott, was in the middle of saying "...or not feeling validated at work." I couldn't believe what I heard.
Then, he (the DJ on KLOVE) said something so profound..and something that was just for me, from such an amazing and loving God. He said, "But then I was humbled today to remember that there is no greater validation, than what Christ has already done for us." I immediately pulled my car over, tears very literally streaming down my cheeks as I texted those words to myself so I wouldn't forget this tender mercy. The text message from myself was sent at 5:09 PM. Seven minutes. Seven minutes after I had gotten into my car, aching for ANY sort of validation and within mere MINUTES, God was there to remind me that He sent His son to die for me. THAT is how much I am worth to Him. I have seen this picture a thousand times, my entire life. However, I don't think I saw it the same way that I did when I found it online tonight. I love this tender picture....the way He is holding the sweet little girl's face in His hands. I can't help but picture myself in her place...my face in His hands as He looks me in the eye and says so sincerely, "My sweet Heather, don't you know who you are? You are mine. I gave my life for you. I loved you that much." He died for me. For ME. I am worth His very life. And if I was the only person alive, He would still have done it just...for...me. What greater validation is there than that? How grateful I am for this amazing tender mercy today....one of SO MANY in my life lately. Without fail, God never ceases to amaze me at how CONSTANT His hand is in my life. So blessed.
(Just discovered a new artist, David Bowman, tonight as well. SUCH beautiful work...and Christ portrayed SO MUCH like I imagine Him. My heart was so moved by this man's depictions of Christ. Another beautiful tender mercy. The painting in this entry takes my breath away...."Security." It is, hands down, one of the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen. Those who know me, have no questions why I would love this painting so dearly. Just purchased the print and will be saving my pennies to get it framed for my house. Beautiful.)
Those of you who have been long-time readers of my blog remember the fabulous days when Heather spent lots and lots of time crafting her little heart out and doing a bazillion creative things for her visiting teaching people. Yeah...oh bless...I wish I had time for that now. I barely have time to use the restroom every day. I so wish I was exaggerating. Still trying hard to create balance in my "new normal" since my divorce..between getting the kids to school, karate, dance, baseball, soccer, piano, scouts, swimming (starting soon), my part time job, my other job, my church callings, family time...and somewhere in there, time to maintain friendships and have a social life. Turns out, it's not as easy as you'd think. Holy Hannah. So unfortunately, I just don't have time to craft as much as I used to. I really miss it....but that day will come around again someday. Today is not that day. And I'm okay with that. 90% of my time goes to doing things for and with my babies and that is just FINE by me. Nothing in the world better than being a Mama.
ANYWAY...one of the things that I really have missed, is my dedication to being a visiting teacher. I believe in visiting teaching with every single fiber of my being!!!!! It has NEVER been a challenge for me...because I DO believe in it so much. However, in the midst of trying to create balance, I have totally dropped the ball in that area. No bueno. That is one thing that SOMEHOW, in the midst of the craziness, needs to skootch on up the priority list. I can't do ridiculously time-consuming crafts for my sweet ladies anymore...due to lack of time and budget. In fact, it kinda needs to be done on "no-budget" and "very little time." But you know me...I canNOT go empty handed...so I am recommitting to being a 100% active visiting teacher...and to POSTING my little "visiting teaching happy things" on a regular basis again. Maybe if I know that you are all waiting to see what I am doing for my ladies every month, it will light a little fire under me. Some of you that are newer to my blog probably don't even know what I am talking about. Here are a few examples of some of the things that I did in the past..... CLICK HERE, AND HERE, AND ANOTHER ONE HERE, AND HERE, ANNNNNND HERE AS WELL, AND ANOTHER ONE HERE, AND A FINAL EXAMPLE HERE. So frustrating that I even NEED a fire lit under me to do something that always came so easily for me....but it is what it is. New life, new responsibilities...and although it's frustrating for a woman who felt she could "always do everything" to NOT be able to find time for everything...this is something that I need to do and AM going to do. Somehow. And because it is something that God has asked me to do...and because my sweet ladies need me...then, by the Grace of God (and by His Grace alone)...there will SOMEHOW be time to do it. And so, turning over a new fabulous leaf, I was able to go visiting teaching today and bring along a "visiting teaching happy thing" to go along with one of my favorite quotes from this past conference (and a fun tag I threw together to go with it). And thanks to a gift certificate that I received over a year ago and just remembered that I had, I was able to get loaves of delicious CHUNKY CINNAMON BREAD from Kneaders to go along with the quote for $FREE.99! Hit it! *sigh* It felt so good to be visiting teaching again....it felt so RIGHT. So happy to be rededicated to something that I love so very much...and know will bless the lives of those I visit..and mine in return. I truly have such an amazing testimony of visiting teaching...and service in general. Service has never been a "sacrifice" for me. In fact, serving others has often been like oxygen for me....I can't afford NOT to serve. I love it. My life is smothered with miracles and my heart is filled with complete peace when I am serving others. And as this quote by Melvin J. Ballard so beautifully states, we pay such a SMALL SMALL price to serve others....for the AMAZING AMAZING blessings that God sends our way in return. If we will but give the smallest "crust" to our Savior, He will SMOTHER US with loaves. I testify of this because I have witnessed it countless times in my own life. I love this quote. I love my Savior with all of my heart. I love visiting teaching. I love this day.
As outgoing and open as I am, I generally tend to be very quiet about my private life. I have received so many e-mails and comments this past year asking about whether or not I am dating and whether or not I will be sharing any "fun and exciting dating stories" on my blog. Oddly enough, I'm really private that way. And, it just kinda seems awkward to blog about dating different guys. Honestly...it doesn't seem like it's anyone else's business...and not something I really feel okay blogging about. I don't know...haven't really known how to handle that one. Plus, I've been really sensitive about being open about Mama dating to my little ones. However, I've decided that since I've passed the year mark since my divorce was final, that it is fine and also healthy for my babies to know that Mama has friends and is dating a little bit. Nervous. But still a good thing I think. I've met so many amazing people and have learned so much about life, love, dating..and more importantly, MYSELF...that I WANT to share....but just not sure how to go about it. The past year, I have met and spent time with a select few individuals who have very literally changed my life in a variety of ways. Anyway...I feel like the more I write about this topic, I will just end up rambling, because for the first time in a long time, I don't really know what to write or how to go about it. LOL! So to let my sweet, concerned and curious blog readers know, yes...Heather is not in a relationship (nor seeking that, at this point), but Heather IS dating. And (with his permission) I decided to share this news along with some fun pics of one of my dear friends that I have been spending time with recently...aka (eek) "dating" I guess (not exclusively). That's so bizarre to say..I have to admit. And it also kinda makes my stomach turn. But the blessing is..thanks to friends like this dear one, it is reassuring to know that dating again in your 30s doesn't have to always be difficult, heart-breaking, uncomfortable and just overall...no bueno. LOL! Cuz I'll be honest....it's such a new experience to be single again. LOL..can you tell I am a little nervous writing about this? Truthfully though...as difficult as it is to be single again, there is ALWAYS something to gain from every person who comes into my life..and I am so overwhelmed with gratitude for every connection I have made this past year. Anyway...in short...it feels good to talk and talk and talk and talk and talk..and talk some more with some pretty wonderful individuals. And even more so than that, it SURE feels amazing to LAUGH!!!! *sigh* Good GLORY....laughing...is....AWESOME! So very awesome. And I have been SO blessed...God has brought so many FUN people into my life to remind me of that. So anyway...other than very vital things I have learned from each of these great individuals, I might post little things here and there about dates I've been on, but when it comes to details, I kinda feel like Westley, when Inigo Montoya from "Princess Bride," out of complete awe and admiration, asked him ("the man in black")....
INIGO MONTOYA: "Who ARE you?" WESTLEY: "No one of consequence." INIGO MONTOYA: "Come. I MUST know." WESTLEY: "Get used to disappointment." INIGO MONTOYA: (shrugging his shoulders) "Okay."
(FYI...sharing this quote for the "get used to disappointment" part only. LOL! NOT to even remotely suggest that these amazing individuals in my life are "no one of consequence." Thanks Zach....for pointing that out. LOL!) LOL! And with that, now you know it...officially. Heather is dating. More importantly however, despite the ups and downs of dating again, Heather is HAVING FUN, LAUGHING..and HAPPY. HIT IT!
How fun to be able to go to the Bingham High School Dance Company Showcase a few weeks ago to see my beautiful niece Whitney and another one of my dear dear friends, Jordyn VanRij (that I met years ago at the Festival of Trees and found out LATER was a good friend of Whitney's) dance. Oh how I love BOTH of these girls...SO....SO...MUCH, I could scream!!! Who says you can't have two cute besties that are half your age?! LOL! LOVE THEM! You won't find a more proud Aunt and "adopted Mama" than I am. These girls are so cute and talented and NICE. Nice girls seem so few and far between when you're a teenager (I remember...)..and I am so very proud of them. LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! WOW! I was SO ridiculously impressed and couldn't believe they were all in HIGH SCHOOL. Talk about some seriously amazingly talented girls. What an awesome performance. I was so proud of Whitney and like a proud Mama to my cute Jordyn. We were even MORE excited to find out just a week or so ago that OUR VERY OWN WHITNEY was chosen as the DANCE CO. PRESIDENT for next year...with JORDYN as her VICE-PRES. AWESOME!! So love Whit & Jordyn and loved being able to be there to support them with my little ones (who were slightly silly...as you can see...LOL..and also BOTH have BLUE LIPS from their RING POPS. Hit it!) and see them perform. Such a great night!
WOW. Life is crazy busy, isn't it?! I'm finding that it's taking a little longer than I had imagined to balance everything since I started working. Every free moment I have now is spent playing catch up here at home and snuggling my babies. And when my little ones are with their Daddy, I still have such a hard time being here at home....so I make plans NOT to be here. As a result, blogging has been sorta put on the back burner for a while. I have SO MANY AMAZING things to blog about though....so I want to try and recommit to do better. I have made so many priceless memories with my babies and need to make sure that they are all written down so they are never forgotten. And so...with today's entry, I, Heather D. White, recommit to being a more regular blogger. "Regular" is relative I guess....but I at LEAST want to blog SOMETHING twice a week. And so, for now, I am committing to two blog entries a week. If I can do more than that, FAB....but at the very least, for my own sake and for my babies, I am committing to two a week. Starting now. (P to the S....SO SERIOUSLY love this picture above of me and my babies taken by my cute nephew Taylor the night of our family bday party and Easter Egg Hunt. Thanks Tay!!!) I realize that I haven't even blogged CHRISTMAS yet...OR our amazing amazing dream trip to Disneyland (good grief)..so THOSE ENTRIES shall be first, after this one. Wanted to post pictures from my family birthday party this past month...as well as the Dahlquist Family Easter Egg Hunt that was the same evening. So fun to see all of the kiddies (from Taylor, age 17 down to Spencer, age 2) having fun with the awesome Easter Egg Hunt that my Mama does every year. She goes FAR ABOVE AND BEYOND every single year...and the kids LOVE IT! (Love the "sad that our baskets are empty" pic taken BEFORE the Easter Egg Hunt. LOL! That was Kaden's idea.) My sweet Mama is nothing short of amazing. We had about 87 family birthdays this past month (possibly a slight exaggeration. LOL!) and she does everything to accomodate EVERY SINGLE birthday boy/girl with the meal by making EVERYONE'S FAVORITES. Birthdays have always been a BIG deal in our family and my mom goes SO FAR to make sure that every birthday boy/girl feels special, loved and CELEBRATED on their birthday. This year, I told my mom to just make everyone else's favorite....but if I could at least just have her homemade ORANGE ROLLS! Mmmm...HEAVEN!!!!! We had an amazing meal with Pulsie's Special Potatoes, salad and STEAK and chicken. And NO ONE makes a steak better than my dad. I am a medium RARE gal...and Dad cooks steaks to PERFECTION! Deeeee-LISH! Such a fun night celebrating TWO MONTHS of birthdays. Here we are...all of the birthday boys/girls for March & April! So love my fam!! I have to add this little tidbit. The cakes..and the HAND DIPPED STRAWBERRIES were made by my nephew CODY! How freaking awesome is that?! LOVE THAT! Thanks so much Cody..you did an amazing job!! Love my Dad. One of my favorite traditions will always be the flowers from my Dad on every birthday (and for EVERY birthday girl). I know I've mentioned this before, but I will again for those who may not have "read" me tell about it before. It started out ONE ROSE for every TEN YEARS and a CARNATION for EVERY INDIVIDUAL YEAR. So 33 would have been 3 roses and 3 carnations. However, that has changed a little through the years, since learning of my SERIOUS LOVE for GERBER DAISIES. Now, for me, it is always roses and gerbers....thus the 3 ROSES and 3 GERBER DAISES for 33 years. ;-) Oh how I love my dad...and love this fun tradition!! I was seriously spoiled this year. When asked what I wanted this year, I mentioned that all I really wanted was a new set of scriptures. I've still been using the set of scriptures from my Seminary graduation 15 years ago. They are pretty hammered and still have my maiden name on them. They are also so completely marked up. I have had so many changes in my life and want to start reading the scriptures and mark them again, marking NEW scriptures that stand out to me in this stage of my life. SUCH a beautiful new set. So excited to have them. Love the pic of my OLD SET and my NEW SET side by side. :-) All of my sisters and Mom and Dad went in on the scriptures, but then STILL spoiled me with jewelry, perfume, NEW HOT MITS (which, I desperately needed and I simply HAVE to show a picture of. My mom got me the new hot mits..and ANY HOT MITS just wouldn't do. LOL! ONLY MY MAMA would find HOT MITS that match my kitchen PERFECTLY! LOL! LOVE IT!) and more. So many fun and thoughtful gifts. So grateful to my family for the many generous gifts (including the fun NIGHT OUT TO SEE RIVERDANCE with Mom & Dad!!!). What a fun and memorable year of birthday celebrations this was for me. So grateful for so many dear friends and family that made me feel so loved and appreciated. So blessed. 33 is going to be a GREAT YEAR!!
I have to be honest....I can't even wrap my head around the idea that there are those that do not believe in God. I would have to very literally CONSCIOUSLY ignore His hand. And even then, it would be almost impossible for me. He is EVERYWHERE. EVERY-WHERE!!! Even today, when I had the slightest heart pang and longed to feel His love for me...He was there almost INSTANTLY through a song played on K-LOVE RADIO and another "randomly sent e-mail" from a friend (who has been such an angel and an instrument in God's hands in my life more times than this)...RIGHT when I needed to read it. My challenging, but BLESSED road is PAVED with tender mercies. So blessed and so grateful. Want to share today's sweet miracles with you today, in case you too, are praying for a reminder of God's love for YOU....
BEFORE THE MORNING by Josh Wilson
Feel the things that hurt you If there’s a God who loves you where is He now
Maybe there are things you can’t see And all those things are happening To bring a better ending
Someday somehow you’ll see you’ll see
Would you dare would you dare to believe That you still have a reason to sing Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming So hold on you gotta wait for the light Press on and just fight the good fight Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling It’s just the dark before the morning
My friend you know how this all ends You know where you’re going You just don’t know how you’ll get there So say a prayer
And hold on cause there’s good for those who love God But life is not a snapshot It might take a little time but you’ll see the bigger picture
Once you feel the weight of glory All your pain will fade to memory
It’s just the hurt before the healing Oh the pain that you’ve been feeling It’s just the dark before the morning
And an e-mail from my friend Bradford today....
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.
That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot;then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.
Right now, at this very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them. And, whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.
And one more awesome song that I just heard for the first time tonight..."ironically." ;-) *sigh* So blessed. How He loves us!!!
STRONGER by Mandisa
Hey, heard you were up all night Thinking about how your world ain't right And you wonder if things will ever get better And you're asking why is it always raining on you When all you want is just a little good news Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather
Oh, don't hang your head It's gonna end God's right there Even if it's hard to see Him I promise you that He still cares
When the waves are taking you under Hold on just a little bit longer He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger The pain ain't gonna last forever And things can only get better Believe me This is gonna make you stronger Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger Believe me, this is gonna make you ...
Try and do the best you can Hold on and let Him hold your hand And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus Oh, lift your head it's gonna end God's right there Even when you just can't feel Him I promise you that He still cares
'Cause if He started this work in your life He will be faithful to complete it If only you believe it He knows how much it hurts And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this
When the waves are taking you under Hold on just a little bit longer He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger The pain ain't gonna last forever In time it's gonna get better Believe me This is gonna make you stronger
