{unwrapped}

{the big 33}

 
33 is such a random dumb age (only because there's nothing particularly significant about it), but despite that, how AWESOME to be 33! Every year of my life is something that I embrace and celebrate...and how awesome to celebrate this brand new year of my life...and one that WILL BE one of JOY and amazing growth! I couldn't have thought of a better way to spend my 33rd birthday, than spending it with my little ones. And from the moment I woke up on my birthday, they treated me like a QUEEN. How precious are these two little angels that woke up their Mama on her birthday with BREAKFAST IN BED?! So sweet. They even served my toast on the red "YOU ARE SPECIAL TODAY" plate that I use for THEIR birthdays. :-) Ooh..LOVE THEM. My birthday breakfast was toast and Apple Jacks...with a mug of milk to wash it down. Such sweethearts. Oooh..and their Mama is SO PRETTY when she wakes up in the morning. LOL! Funny. Love this picture of me and my baby girl...even though I am a serious hot mess. But I am a HAPPY hot mess...to say the least. :-)
 
A funny little story about this "sweet as ever" breakfast from my little ones. I have two places for bread in our kitchen. I have a spot for the bread we use to eat...and a spot for bread to feed the chickens (meaning, it is old and even slightly moldy). So, it took about a half of a bite of this yummy toast, to realize that my sweet Kaden had used bread from the "chicken bread." Oh wow...it took all I had to eat that moldy toast. But it was the best moldy toast I have ever eaten in my life...because it was made with SO MUCH LOVE!!! :-) Love my babies so much. After breakfast, Kaden told me to go back to sleep and rest for a little bit. I didn't argue. :-) They were so good to let me sleep in a little bit on my birthday. After I got up, we did a little bit of tidying up and then headed out to meet my sweet "mirror friend" Heather and her babies (Cessna and Lance) at the movie theater to see "HOP!"
 
 
 
After "HOP," (which Heather and I both thought was more than slightly lame, but still enjoyed it since the kiddies loved it so much) we decided to go to dinner at IHOP. :-) The kids thought that was so awesome...that we had just SEEN "HOP" and were going to I-"HOP." LOL...I should have pretended we did that on purpose because Heather and I are so clever. LOL! But it was purely by accident. Ha ha! We had so much fun. Heather is such a sweetheart and SPOILED me rotten with gifts....nail polish (that looks FABULOUS, btw!!), a gift certificate to Vanity, hand soap and THE cutest necklace and BUTTON RING. Heather knows how much I love BIG RINGS and I have NEVER seen one like this...so freaking love it!!!
 
While we were there, they happened to have a lady there making balloons for all of the kids in the restaurant. YAY..lucky us!
 
Kaden asked if we were going to tell the waiter that it was my birthday. I told him that we didn't need to do that. While Heather and I were talking, the waiter came to check on us and I heard Kaden quickly say, "Um excuse me, it's my Mama's birthday today." LOL! Little stink. So love my Kaden. When I looked at him, he gave me that SMILE..the one I love so much. The "trying not to smile, but can't help it" smile. He and his daddy both have the same smile.. and that's something I always loved about them both. LOL! Such a sweetheart.
 
 
So, thanks to my sly and thoughtful little Kaden, Mama received an awesome birthday serenade from the IHOP waiters. Hit it!
 
Along with the serenade, Mama also got a free sundae..which all of the little ones shared. SO funny to watch them pass the ice cream up and down the table and STRETCH their arms out to grab one more bite before it was passed on to the next person. LOL! Oooh..so love all four of these sweet babies.
 
 
Spending the entire day with my little ones was pure heaven...BEST BIRTHDAY EVER...and being able to also spend it with my best friend Heather and HER little ones, that I love so much, made it an absolutely PERFECT DAY.
 
 
 
After dinner, we headed to our house to visit for a little bit while the kids played. When I got home, I was greeted with the cutest sign EVER and two cans of MOUNTAIN RUSH (MTN. DEW), sitting on my bed, from my sweet CIERA ("Ciec") who lives upstairs. Love her SO MUCH! My gosh..she is SUCH a doll..and made me feel SO special to come home to that sweet sign!! LOVE HER!
 
Also, while Heather and I were visiting, my sweet friend Steve stopped by to bring me a gift. Steve is my best friend's Dad and has also become such a dear dear friend of mine. I love him so much. He takes such good care of me and is so thoughtful. He is one of the kindest men I have ever met. The card he gave me brought tears to my eyes...and his gifts were so sweet. I can't wait to read both of the books that he gave me. My dear friend Kathy also stopped by and brought me the most thoughtful gift - one that showed just how well she knows me...and made me cry. Kathy...I can't express to you just how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you in my life. You are a miracle to me. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such angel friends and family.
 
 
Overall, I can't think of ANYTHING that would have made my 33rd birthday more perfect. An entire day with my babies, time with one of my dearest soul friends and her babies, hundreds of birthday greetings on Facebook (seriously...wouldn't you agree, that celebrating a birthday since Facebook came around makes you feel like a million bucks? LOL! So fun to hear my phone "BEEPING" all day long with greetings from friends!!), tons of happy serenades on my cell phone from my awesome family and friends (which I STILL listen to over and over again) and sweet and thoughtful gifts.

This past year has been a challenging one, but filled with SO many miracles and growth. I can't wait to see what lies in store for me and my little family this next year. So happy to celebrate my birthday with my two greatest miracles. SUCH an amazingly perfect day. HAPPY DAY! What a MIRACLE to be ALIVE!! I am so greatly blessed!

(EDITED LATER TO ADD: Love my friend Zach Jacob's comment that he just left on this post...had to share: "Nothing special about 33? Um, hello! How old was Jesus when he wrought the Atonement to save all mankind?? Special things happen at age 33. This is the year you can CHANGE THE WORLD! Hit it! :)") Thanks Zach! All about perspective right? So love you bud!)

{my cathedrals}

 
Being a single mother is something that you simply cannot relate to...unless you've been there. I know that it is the same thing for single dads, but I will be speaking mainly from the mother's perspective, because that is what I am and what I know. To the outside viewer, it may seem that when my little ones are not with me, I "live it up." I am a very social person (always have been) and in the free time that I do have, I am booked solid. However, those who have been or ARE in my situation are able to see through all of these "social escapes" and recognize them as methods of mere "survival." It is very literally debilitating to have your little ones gone. I can't even express to you how it feels. It's so empty. I keep thinking that it might get a little easier in time, but it hasn't yet. Next to God, my little ones ARE my light....my miracles and purpose in life.
 
There is a lot of truth that these "breaks" are beneficial to both parents and even enjoyed....to refill your buckets, regain energy and rejuvenate so that you can be a better parent. Therefore, when I do have the opportunity, I DO surround myself with countless people that bring me LIGHT and lift my soul, so that when my babies return, I am fresh and filled with light to give back to THEM. AND YES..I DO have fun!!!! But truth be told, I book my schedule SOLID so that I don't have to be home when they aren't there. My home is just an empty space without them in it...and the emptiness is so thick you can taste it. They truly are what keeps my heart beating every single day. How could I be anything but filled with JOY, knowing that I am their mother....that God sent these precious precious angels to bless my life?! What an honor and proof enough to me of God's unmeasureable love for ME.
 
And what fun we have! I have so much fun with my friends and family...but there is NO ONE in the world I would rather be with than my babies. WE are the most fabulously awesome, silly and SNUGGLY THREE MUSKATEERS EVER!!!
 
 
 

And GOODNESS....the three of us have enough love inside to smother an entire nation with it. There isn't a MOMENT that goes by that we aren't LOVING on each other. Those of you who know me, KNOW that I can't help but express my love to those around me as OFTEN as I feel it. My precious babies are JUST LIKE ME in that way. HAPPY DAY! There is so much snuggling and smooching and squeezing and "LOVE YOUs" going on....it is a constant LOVE FEST at the White House. It is NOTHING short of Heaven. Pure Heaven. Oooh.....there is NOTHING in the world I love more. Look at them. Please look at them. Aren't they ANGELS???? I read a quote once that said, "The decision to have a child is a momentous one. It is the decision to have your heart go walking around outside of your body." Look at these babies. They are my heart. They are my everything.
 
Being a mom isn't easy..single or otherwise. This is not new news. So often, we feel like we are giving our whole heart and efforts...and some days, it still doesn't feel like enough. Much of our work as mothers (and fathers) goes unnoticed. And sometimes we feel like falling to our knees, crying and saying, "Does ANYONE see what I am doing?" On one particular day like this a few weeks ago, when I was feeling so exhausted, sleep-deprived, inadequate and even unappreciated, a new friend of mine, Brad, that I had literally just barely met, "happened" to feel inspired to send me a forward called "Invisible Mothers." A small note...I don't read forwards. Ever. But for some reason, I read this one...and it could not have been more timely. And to have received such an answer to my prayers from someone I hardly knew...such a blessing. God is so good to me. Thanks to my dear friend Brad, for being so in tune. I sure love you already. I sat at work reading this forward, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I want to share these wonderful words with you...because I know there are others who have felt or are feeling the same way that I was that day and hope that it will bring the same comfort to your hearts that it brought to mine.

Invisible Mothers

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'
Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible - The invisible Mom.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more.
"Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?"
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?'
I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?'
I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner,celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.

It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:
'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built,and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?
No one will ever see it.'  And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will  become.' At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
 
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
 
How proud I am to have been given the most sacred of all stewardships...to be a mother. How grateful I am to be changing the world, making it more beautiful, with my two miracles. And though it may seem that sometimes my great efforts go unnoticed, GOD SEES THEM and every effort I make is worthwhile and part of a GREAT process. My babies, my precious little ones are, without a doubt, my greatest achievements....my miracles....my masterpieces...my cathedrals.

{pure joy}

I have tried so often to describe the immense happiness that I feel inside...it's not like any other type of happiness I have ever experienced in my life. It is so complete, pure, unfailing and peaceful. More importantly, however, it is non-circumstantial. That is...WOW. Indescribable. By far, one of the greatest blessings I have ever received. No matter what happens in my life or what is thrown my way, no matter who I come in contact with and how they engage with me (whether positive or negative), my heart remains steady and at peace and this happiness remains constant. I never thought that feeling like this could be possible. Life used to control me and I could feel the "ups and downs" even physically. It was such a rollercoaster. My heart would race and pound when I was hurt and angry....and now...it is at peace. Always. I could feel the stresses of life in my back and the immense pain was debilitating and had me in the ER at least once a year and on pretty heavy pain meds throughout the year to maintain the pain. And now...I very rarely feel even the slightest ache in my back. The pain is gone. Every now and again, I feel like pinching myself to make sure that it is real..and it is. It proves to be genuine over and over, as it is tested on a regular basis. And this happiness could ONLY come from my loving Father in Heaven. He is SO good to me. For those who may not believe that God is still working His miracles, please believe me when I say that He is. This peace in my heart, this UNCHANGING and UNFAILING peace and happiness is nothing SHORT of miracle in my life.

I was so thrilled when I found this quote in the most amazing book that I am reading right now (thanks to my sweet Christy who recommended it for our newly organized book group!), "Something More" (sequel to "Simple Abundance," which about 90% of the women I know have already read. LOL!) by Sarah Ban Breathnach. (You can find "Something More" on www.half.com for 75 CENTS!! Pick it up TODAY...it is AMAZING..and I'm not even done with it yet!!) It was SARAH'S eloquent writing that FINALLY described so perfectly what I was (and still am) feeling.

"Many of us confuse happiness and joy. Happiness is often triggered by external events, events we usually have no control over -- you get the promotion, he loves you back, they approve your mortgage application. Happiness camouflages a lot of fears.

But JOY is the absence of fear. Joy is your soul's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to. You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, SOMETHING MORE. Joy is where your life began, with your first cry. Joy is your birthright."

-Sarah Ban Breathnach, "Something More"

I realized, after reading this quote, that the reason I couldn't ever manage to define the happiness I am feeling, is that it ISN'T happiness at all. :-)  It is JOY! I am so completely and utterly filled to overflowing with PURE JOY! And as a result, I will spend eternity expressing my very passionate and heartfelt gratitude to my loving Father in Heaven, at EVERY given opportunity...because of the MIRACLE it is in my life.

{blessings & better with age}

I have said this so many times, but God is so good to me, and yet again, touched my heart through music this week. Two days ago, I heard a song that I had never heard before. The tender lyrics to this song, “Blessings,” could not more adequately express the feelings I have in my own heart. How sincerely grateful I am to a loving Heavenly Father for the many many countless miracles in my life that have come often disguised as "trials." I am so greatly blessed. Though it may not seem like it at first, the rest of this entry does all tie in to this song. Bear with me. :-)


BLESSINGS
by Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
...We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home,
It's not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

We had our family birthday party on Monday night  for all of the March/April birthdays. I will blog more about that tomorrow…SUCH a fun night! My nephew Taylor snapped a quick picture of me and my babies as we were running in the door (I like to snap a quick pic at the BEGINNING of the night so they don't have to pose later and we can get the "memory keeping" out of the way so we can have FUN!!!) at Oma and Opa's on Monday night. Oddly enough, it turned out to be one of my favorites of us....and it was completely "off the cuff." Go figure...we have professional pics taken..and THIS quick shot ends up being one of my faves. LOL! I was sitting here in my room tonight, editing these pictures and listening to "Blessings" and it came to this picture of me and my babies. I zoomed in a bit just to make sure that this particular shot was completely in focus. It was the first time I could really see how much I have aged. WOW…gooodNIGHT....I've noticed wrinkles for a while now, but in this picture specifically, I noticed more wrinkles than I've ever seen before. I’m sure it doesn’t help (especially around my eyes)…that I’ve only slept about 87 minutes the past week and a half (possibly a SLIGHT exaggeration. Slight. LOL!), but still. :-)
 
Out of curiosity, I brought up a picture taken when I was 19 years old. Even then, I had one or two little smile lines instead of dimples and slight lines around my eyes. But otherwise, my face was so tight and soft and young. I was so innocent, with eyes so BRIGHT with hope for the future. I had no idea what my future would hold. Who would guess that those bright and innocent eyes, after so much of a life that they never could have expected, would now be KNOWING eyes that have seen so much and still shine brighter than ever, accompanied by a smile so broad and genuine that it literally RADIATES the joy that it is in my heart?! So many women want to erase the age, erase the wrinkles, erase the pain and the worry. As I sit and look at my pictures from then and now, I have to admit, I am thoroughly loving how age looks on me. All of my wrinkles come from 33 years of not just many worries, heartaches, pain, loneliness and "countless sleepless nights," but also faith, happiness, gratitude, so many amazingly wonderful memories and very literally pure JOY. They come from LIFE!!!!! Every line on my face is either a  "battle scar" or a “smile line” - signs of where I have been and everything I have seen. 14 years ago, only my mouth smiled. :-) At age 33, there isn't an inch of my face that DOESN'T show signs of my smile. ;-) How could that be anything BUT awesome!!!?!

I know for a fact that there are countless women my age and even OLDER than I am who show fewer signs of aging than I do, but I still would never erase a single moment of my life or a wrinkle from my face – all that have come both from either extreme moments of JOY or trials that have ALWAYS proven to be His "mercies in disguise." I am young at heart…and feel younger than I have ever felt in my life.  Despite many challenges, my spirit and soul are strong and my heart is pure and full of more love than it can possibly contain...and I personally believe, WRINKLES AND ALL, that I am getting even better with age. :-)

{birthday breakfast}

"To us, family means putting your arms around
each other and being there." 
~Barbara Bush
 
There are 87 bazillion things that I love about my family...one of many, is that we. do. birthdays. BIG. It's all my sweet Mama. She has always done birthdays big. And I stand right behind her. I'm not sure we ever truly think about it enough to realize WHAT it is we are celebrating when we celebrate a birthday. We are literally celebrating the BIRTH of someone we love. We are celebrating that they are ALIVE. Seriously? That IS HUGE...and SHOULD be celebrated HUGE! And although I would much rather be on the giving end of the hugeness, I have to admit, that having your birthday drag out for weeks is fun. :-) RIVERDANCE with Mom and Dad last week, a SISTERS BREAKFAST with many of my awesome sisters this morning (a few missing...and were missed)...and a family birthday party coming up on Monday. What a fun way to start the day today, with my FAVORITE breakfast (at Mimi's) with my sisters (and my cousin Suz, who is as good as a dear sister to me), my Mama and my cute niece Charly. OOOOOH...how I love us..and LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture of us. So love these women. What an awesome day! (Thanks Jillsie, for arranging the breakfast for me...and for treating me. Sure love you!!!)

{birthday date with big bear}

 
How fortunate I was to meet my ridiculously awesome new friend Stan at a Conference Singles Dance this past weekend - my dear friend who I affectionately call "Big Bear!" Stan and I hit it off right away and immediately worked with our schedules to find a time that we could go out. Stan found out that it was my birthday this coming Saturday and insisted taking me out tonight for an early birthday date. GooooodNIGHT....he SO outdid himself. I felt so completely pampered...and special. Stan picked me up tonight in the middle of a hail/rain/snow/thunderstorm on this beautiful April day, and we had to laugh at how our wardrobe choices matched perfectly. LOL! Funny. We looked like we were all suited up to go and get pictures taken. I assured him that we would, in fact, be taking pictures. LOL! (Including a fabulously high quality "bathroom mirror self-portrait" shot that I took right before Stan picked me up tonight. LOL!) Then, Stan drove us to Flemings at the Gateway. Have you ever eaten at Flemings? Oh wow. Beyond description. You have to go. I had the most fabulous Filet Mignon that was so perfectly medium rare - likely one of the best I have ever had in my life. The salad was amazing (first experience with Bleu Cheese, believe it or not...and LOVED IT) and the parmesan mashed potatoes...HEAVENLY.
 
I was SO SO impressed with their service. Stan had obviously put extra thought into it when he called in our reservation, because when we checked in at the reception area, the hostess smiled at me and said, "Happy Birthday to you." We were greeted by our waitress shortly after who ALSO greeted me by saying, "Happy Birthday."
 
And not only that, but I was presented with THE most decadent lava cake (that takes them 25 minutes to prepare for you), complete with a candle lit for me to blow out and a special gift box of homemade chocolates all COMPLIMENTARY for my birthday. Talk about feeling extremely pampered. Considering Stan and I just met last Saturday, he went ABOVE and BEYOND for our first night out...but made me feel so ridiculously special for my birthday.
 
After dinner, Stan had managed to get lower bowl tickets for the JAZZ game against the Blazers...which we lost, but STILL enjoyed thoroughly!! I can't even remember the last time I went to a JAZZ game, but I had forgotten how much I love actually GOING to games. The energy is so AWESOME. LOVED it. After the game, we went over to the media tables where Jeff (my awesome landlord and good friend) was sitting with his business associates and chatted with them for a bit. They loaned me and Stan media passes so that we could go out on the court and take a few pics. So awesome. While we were on he court taking pictures, I met a contact that just might end up being a pretty big miracle in my life as far as work opportunities go. So exciting. God is so good to me.
 
 
I feel so very blessed to have met Stan and am so grateful for his friendship. Good CRUD, he is so freaking awesome! We connected like we'd known each other a bazillion years. Stan, thank you so much for tonight. You seriously didn't need to go to the extremes that you did for me....but I am so grateful to you for everything...for making me feel SO special for my birthday. Love you so much already, Big Bear. SO glad we're friends!!

{riverdance}

I can't remember the first time I watched "Riverdance," but I know it was years and years and years ago. I want to say that I was about 16 or 17, which would make it about 16 years ago. Holy crud. Anyway...ever since the first time I watched the video, I've wanted to see them in concert. What an awesome surprise when my Dad called me about a month ago and surprised me with tickets so that he and my mom could take me for my birthday this year!!! HAPPY DAAAAAY!!!!! A dream come true! I can't tell you how much I looked forward to this concert since Dad called me that night a month or so ago to tell me about the surprise. The concert was this past week and was EVERYTHING I imagined it would be. RIVERDANCE is a-ma-zing in concert. AMAZING! And I could NOT have had better dates!!!! Love this picture of me with my Mom and Dad last week right before the concert.
 
The best part of the concert was, that they performed my FAVORITE number EVER..the Thunderstorm number with all guys (shown below). AWWWWWESOME!! I even leaned over to the guy sitting next to me and whispered, "By the way...THIS is the best part of the entire show." LOL!
I didn't realize until the first Celtic Vocal number in between dance numbers, that this year couldn't have been a better time for me to see RIVERDANCE in concert. I had forgotten about all of the vocal interlude numbers. I remember when I was younger, I really hated those...I thought they were so boring. I simply ENDURED them or fast-forwarded them to get to the next dance number. Up until we got there the night of the concert last week, I had completely forgotten about how many vocal numbers there are intermixed. This past year, along with the many changes I have made in my life, I started doing regular daily affirmations, meditation and also attending breath circles. About a year ago, I discovered Loreena McKennitt, one of the most ridiculously beautiful and famous Celtic singers. I fell in LOVE with her voice and how easily I was able to clear my mind to her music. I fell in love particularly with "Dante's Prayer" and immediately adopted it as the "soundtrack" to my own daily meditation...that I still use on a daily basis. (Close your eyes as you listen to this You Tube clip of "Dante's Prayer"...and you will soon know and feel why I fell in love with this piece.)
As soon as the first note of the first vocal interlude began during the Riverdance concert, I felt my eyes close and my mind completely erase. I have gained such a beautiful appreciation for Celtic music and it has brought such peace into my life. Even two years ago, I would not have appreciated them as I do now. At this AMAZING concert, I did not for a SECOND feel as if I was simply "ENDURING" the vocal interludes or wish to fast-forward them. In between each of the RIDICULOUSLY AMAZING dance numbers, I was brought immediately to the same place of amazing peace that I reach when I do my daily meditation. SUCH beautiful music...breathtaking really. I have never heard a soprano like a Celtic Soprano....their voices are as clear as glass. Beautiful.
Overall, it was an amazing evening. Delicious dinner at Cafe Rio (FAVE!), a concert I have wanted to see in over a DECADE, accompanied by two people dearest to my heart, music that brings peace and DANCING that very quickly breathes LIFE and ENERGY to my heart and soul. AMAZING night!!! Mom and Dad, thank you SO MUCH for such a wonderful birthday gift. I love you so much! (Da da da da DUNT, Da da da da DUNT. DUNT! DUNT! Da da da da DUNT, Da da da da DUNT. DUNT! DUNT!) :-)

{time for a big change}

The lessons I have learned and the growth I have made in one single year is amazing. Many of the lessons haven't been easy...but have been very rewarding. I've learned that you can never possibly know or comprehend what it is like to be divorced, until you've been divorced. I don't know why, but as I have mentioned before, your foundation seems to crumble and you begin a rebuilding process....which is both scary and exciting. It's scary, because what you've always known and has been your stable ground, is suddenly gone. It's exciting, because you are building your OWN foundation, with many of the same cornerstones you may have started with, but YOU are the one placing them. And if YOU place the stones (instead of someone else doing it for you), they seem to be even MORE stable and immovable...they are YOURS. Throughout this process, unfortunately, sometimes you make mistakes that are so "not you," that you literally say to yourself, "What were you thinking?! You know that isn't you!" At first, I was really worried and thought something was seriously wrong with me. After talking to my amazing bishop who I love so dearly and many friends who are also divorced, I'm learning that this is a very common process after divorce. However, a few weeks ago, I felt it coming to an end. I realized that it was time for a change. Time to get back to building my foundation and being true to my core values. Not surprising, with how God works in my life, the very night I decided that a change needed to be made, He brought the following quote to my attention..."randomly" (we all know by now that I don't believe anything is "random"):

"Let me begin now, this very night, to emulate Christ. Cast off forever will be the old self and with it defeat, despair, doubt, and disbelief. To a newness of life I come--a life of faith, hope courage, and joy. No task looms too large; no responsibility too heavy; no duty is a burden. All things become possible."
— Thomas S. Monson

How RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME is that!!!?! LOVE IT! I immediately went out a purchased a journal to be used for my scripture study, church notes, etc. to accompany this NEW JOURNEY.  Inside, I pasted my favorite picture of what I love to see as a picture of ME and Christ, next to what has become my own personal "FIGHT SONG" and this quote by President Monson.
 
As funny as it may sound, along with this spiritual and emotional change, I felt a desire to have a PHYSICAL change as well....for the NEW ME. I decided that after being a dark brunette for 10 years, that I wanted to remove the dark and go LIGHT again. It would be a drastic change...I knew that. But some of the changes I was making on the INSIDE were drastic too...and I wanted it to match. I wanted to look in the mirror after getting my hair done and almost be taken back...and then say, "WOW! I can hardly recognize myself. That is REALLY different...and SO SO light. But it IS ME...a NEW me and I love it!!!!!" There was no one better for the job than my sweet angel Christy, who is not only my soul's twin, but one of the best hairstylists in the biz!

The time Christy and I spend together is NOTHING short of heavenly. Literally. Our souls are so completely one, that when we are bearing testimony to each other and sharing experiences from our own personal opportunities for growth, we are literally COVERED in spirit bumps the entire time and I can FEEL my soul completely vibrating with joy. Oh how I love her. And she is so dang hilarious. Our conversations are so SOUL and amazing and those who know me well, know that I tend to be very animated when I am discussing anything I am passionate about. I happened to be talking about my great love and passion for my Savior, and some of the recent experiences I had had. While I was talking, Christy said something that made me laugh so hard I just about wet my pants. (I'm going to edit one word for the sake of a few of my readers, but have to write this so I never forget it!) She said, "Heather, I know you like to speak with your whole being. But if you want these blonds to turn out, you have GOT to hold the HECK still!" ROFL! So love her. I never get just a PHYSICAL make over when I visit Christy...I get a complete SOUL workover! It's AWESOME!!!! And when she was done and I stepped in the mirror, I almost cried. It was PERFECT! Exactly how I had imagined it. And I DID have the reaction I was hoping for...."WOW! I can hardly recognize myself. That is REALLY different...and SO SO light. But it IS ME...a NEW me and I love it!!!!!"
 
 
On the drive home, I felt as if she hadn't just washed out the hairdye into her sink. I know that sounds so corny, but we all know by now that I tend to look more deeply into things than many do...and I realized how symbolic this change had been for me. I had shed the dark and gone LIGHT again. I kept looking at myself in the rearview mirror, trying to get used to this NEW ME. The next morning, my dear friend Deborah was so great to take a few pictures of me with my new hairstyle. I SO love how EVERY SINGLE ONE turned out. Deborah even managed to take a few "serious" shots of me that I love. I have NEVER in my life had a serious shot that I have liked...because I've never thought that they are me. But I do have a very serious and passionate side....a softer side. And how fun to have Deborah capture that so well. :-)
  After Deb took my pics, I had to head directly to work. I looked at myself briefly in the rearview mirror and started to cry a little bit. Out of context, and without knowing me well, this will sound very "into myself." Those who know me will know that's not the case....and it really only matters that I know anyway. But I looked in the mirror and thought, "You are beautiful." I realized immediately that that statement had a LITTLE BIT to do with my new hair...and a LOT to do with what I COULDN'T see in the mirror. And I realized that as I was looking INSIDE of myself, at the changes I was (and still am) making in my life, and yet, at the same time, rediscovering a great part of me that was simply lost for a minute, that I was able to say again..."WOW! I can hardly recognize myself. That is REALLY different...and SO SO light. But it IS ME...a NEW me and I love it!!!!!" *sigh* Change is good. :-)