{a new beginning}

"Every single person who has drifted in and out of your life is a part of your Divinely chosen experience. As you move into the world of inspiration, you'll find it easy--and even necessary--to give thanks for all of these people, and to take serious note of what they brought you."
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

Throughout the course of this past year, many of you have sensed that there have been some significant trials for my little family. And yet, without pressing for details, you showed your love and support for us by sending gifts, prayers, thoughts and countless e-mails. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. And yes, this truly has been a difficult year for us and we are so appreciative of your respect as we have been through much and have wanted to do so privately, as we felt appropriate.  Today now marks a new beginning for our little family as the door on our marriage is closed and two new doors are opened for me and Chas. We are blessed by your continued love, support and prayers and are also grateful to you for your respect, in limiting questions and uninformed judgments and honoring our privacy as two very good people start a new beginning today.

During our Divorce Education class, a form letter was shared with us and we were advised to share a similar one with our friends and family. I could not have put together a letter more well written and thoughtful and have decided to share this here. Thank you again for your love and support of us….

Dear Friends and Family,

As you may already know, Chas and I are divorced.  This has been a very difficult time for both of us and the decision to separate was made only after much effort was put into our marriage. We both appreciate the support and empathy we have received from so many of you and we hope that you will continue to be supportive to each of us.

We are both highly committed to our children and have invested much energy into creating a parenting plan that will provide plenty of quality time with both of us. We recognize there will be an adjustment period for all of us, but minimized.  We have done a lot of reading about divorce and how it affects children and we have also attended the local mandatory class sponsored by the courts for divorcing parents. The research is very clear that children of divorce do much better in the long and short term if they continue to have the opportunity for a meaningful relationship with both of us. Therefore, we are determined to work hard at being active, involved co-parents.  This will require each of us to make sacrifices and compromises that we have worked out in our parenting plan. We view each other as important and necessary resources in our children’s lives and not as obstacles or someone to compete with.

The reason we are writing this letter is because we need some favors from you in order to make this work. First of all, we have learned that bad mouthing the other parent to the children is one of the worst things you can do to a child whose parents are divorcing or are divorced.  Children view their parents as an extension of their own identity.  They feel they are a part of their mother and a part of their father.  When unkind things are said about either of their parents, it hurts them deeply.  So if you are ever tempted to say something negative about either of us in the presence of our children, please pause and remember how it would feel for our children.

Secondly, we want to be good role models for our children. In this life, we will all suffer losses but our growth will come in how we handle these painful situations.  We want to demonstrate to them that people can end relationships in one sense and shift the relationship to something different and still maintain and healthy relationship.  Instead of being the intimate partners that we once were, we are showing them that we can still be cordial and kind to each other and united in raising them.

We want to thank you for your love, concern and willingness to accept our decisions. We know that you are also in pain watching our family change like that.  We are sorry that our decision may disappoint and hurt you. We care about you and your feelings too.

There is no need to take sides in this divorce because we are siding with each other as parents.  In any relationship, there are always two sides to the story.  We did not enter into our marriage with the expectation that we would end up divorced, but things happen. It’s complicated and difficult for both of us.

We hope that you can understand and respect our feelings and desires.  This would mean a lot to us.  Please do not be offended that this is a form letter sent to many of you as it truly does reflect our feelings. Since the emotional challenge of divorce is so exhausting, we felt this letter would be the more efficient way of reaching many of you who are so close to our hearts. Thank you again. You are loved.

Comments

[Lilian]

Hugs Heather.

[Marci Leishman]

Wow, Heather. I am so sorry to hear that you have had this trial. You are truly an example of strength and a wonderful and loving mother. My prayers are with you and your sweet children at this time.

[Heather Hubrich]

Very Eloquently put.
I wish both of you every happiness in the future- as well as your children.
And just so you know I will ALWAYS be here- your support in the stands cheering you on as you head out on this new twist you did not plan in this life.
Wherever it may lead you know I Love you and am proud of you for making a decision that would not be easy for ANYONE to make.

You are Special.
You are Beautiful.
You are Adored.
And you will be Okay- I know it.

[Amy So]

Heather, just wanted to offer up my support, if only via blog comments. HUGS to you as you make this transition. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible.

[Marcy]

As a child that comes from Divorced parents this letter is amazing. I wish my parents had this as a tool when they went through there divorce. My parents did an amazing job at making sure I was the most important. They worked together and I always knew I was loved.

You are on the right track for your children and I truly respect you and Chas for working together and understanding what you have to do so that your divorce minimally (as possible) impacts your children.

Best Wishes for your bright new future.

[monica]

I believe in you Heather, and I am with you.

sending you my love and support...

hugs,
m

[Laura (vanmama on 2Peas)]

Things happen that we never visualize... It's certainly for none of us to judge unless we've walked in your shoes (and of course none of us have!)...Sometimes difficult decisions like this have to be made. You will survive and so will your children.

Stay strong. Your family will be ok, just different than before.

Blessings to you and big hugs. (and shame on anybody who judges you)

[cathy]

Oh my sweet Heather.. I love you and want you to know you have been in my heart and my prayers. So thankful you now have this freedom of walking through your door and you will be led. (((((big fat hugs)))))

[Darci]

Heather, I read your blog but rarely comment. I love you and your family. You are amazingly strong. I am going through this exact same trial right now and I wish you only the very very best. I hope that all goes well in your new life.

[annie]

You are amazing and I just love you to pieces!! You are so strong and will triumph with flying colors I have no doubt!!! Can't wait till you share dating stories!!! Love you!!!

[lynn Crapo]

Oh Heather,
You KNOW you've been in my heart and prayers since you discussed this with me last Oct. I just want you to know that I have watched you progress and become the strong and courageous woman that you've become since then, and I there are just not enough words to express how PROUD I am of you. Righteously proud. You are truly a righteous woman. You are the BEST mom a mamma could be for your kids through all that you've been through.

And yes, I want to say I am very impressed with Chad in being the man he is and going through this the best way you both could possibly do in this situation for your kids.

You rock Heather! The ripples will reach farther than you will ever know.

Hugs!
Here's to a better and Brighter future for all of you!

[Michele Rice]

I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers as you make this difficult transition. Much love to you, Heather, and big hugs, too.

Michele Rice

[ba]

what can i say but i love you!

[Stephanie]

Good luck to your little family, Heather, in the future.

[Christal]

hugs hugs and more hugs what a beautiful letter! You are a great mother and those kids are so lucky to have your example of all the good you do! My prayers are with you too in all the future holds for all of you. love ya!!

[Raquel]

I have thought of you often and fondly over the past year sensing that you were going through some great trials.
Please know that you and your sweet family will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
You are solid, beautiful and an amazing mother.
Loves --

[Jana]

You are brave. And let me just say, my kids have never heard me say anything negative about my husbands ex. It truly makes a difference!

[Violet]

My prayers are with you also. Your blog is my favorite and I could tell you were going through some rough times. You have a great attitude and show a lot of wisdom. I'm sure great things are in store for your future.

P.S.Your kids look like they are well loved.

Violet

[Sharon Turner]

Heather your blog is the first one I started reading and now I "blog-stalk" a lot of blogs! I knew your blog had changed recently and suspected the reason which you confirmed when we met. Having met you in person I know that you will walk through this door that has opened and truly have a new beginning. Thanks for sharing with us and I will continue to appreciate the strength and wisdom that you share through your blog.

[stacey]

I' so sorry to hear about your divorce. I too am going through this trial and it is an emotional roller coaster. I admire the letter you shared and the fact that the two of you have taken classes together to make this process work for your children. Best wishes to you on your new journey.

[Sherri Pearson]

Here's to new beginnings! Ty and I have been thinking about you and Chas a lot this week, know that you are loved (and missed) from miles away in Austin, Texas!

[Pamela Katschor]

This comment is from Michigan. As you know, your friends and family from far and wide are praying for you, Chas and your family as you have gone through this difficult time. Even though we have never met, I enjoy reading your blog and sensed that something was wrong. But you have handled it all with grace and your children are blessed to have you for their momma!

I wish you and your family nothing but the best and better times are ahead!

[gayle]

Love and prayers to all of you as you work through these issues. If Chas is half the father that you are the mother your children will be blessed. I think this letter is so good, I am going to copy it for family members that are going through divorces and need to remember the kids and to show kindness to one another.

[amber m.]

Loves and prayers for your new beginning!

[Allison]

I've admired you for several years as I've read your blog. After reading this recent trial that you've gone through (and will continue to go through), I admire you even more. The world needs more of your grace and determination to do right.

I loved reading this letter, and applaud your willingness to put your children first.